On Monday I went out for a reasonably quick 5km. Quick for me, anyway, which remains an important qualification whenever I use that word. Today I wanted to ask a different question of my running. There is a half marathon in four weeks that I’d like to complete, and I wanted to get a better sense of whether that ambition is becoming realistic. That meant slowing down, spending longer on my feet and seeing how comfortable I could remain beyond the distances that have become familiar recently.
By the time I got home, I had covered 13.5km, my longest run since 2018. I was pleased with the distance, but what stayed with me was how comfortable I had felt about doing it at my own pace, in public, without feeling the need to explain myself.
Last week I wrote about running a slower parkrun dressed as a Pot Noodle. This week the clothing was a little more conventional, although perhaps no less noticeable. I wore a long-sleeved top from Harry Morgan’s JOG ON, whose invitation to “go for that run” felt particularly appropriate for the morning.
I really enjoy Harry’s content. There is an enthusiasm for running and the people involved in it that makes his videos a pleasure to watch, and buying some merchandise felt like a good way to support the work he puts into them. There were practical benefits too. It was cold enough for the long sleeves to be very welcome, and I like the bright colour for the evening runs that are becoming part of this time of year. After years of finding that some of the clothing I wanted to wear simply didn’t fit, being able to choose something because I liked it was satisfying in itself.
The plan was to build the longer run around parkrun. I ran there, completed the course at a slower pace than I have recently, then ran home and added another little loop through the woods near home. It gave the morning a familiar centre while allowing me to explore what I could manage either side of it. The parkrun finish was one stage of the outing, with more running still to come.
That changed how I approached the pace. I was covering more than two and a half times my usual 5km distance, so it made sense to give myself room to keep going. Monday had already given me an opportunity to run a little quicker. Today I wanted to find out how I felt when I asked myself to run further.
It also felt like a continuation of what I wrote about in A Little Less Watch, a Little More Headspace. I’m becoming more comfortable choosing the effort for the run I want to do and accepting the pace that comes with it. Today gave that approach a purpose I could feel: I wanted to reach the end of parkrun with enough left to carry on towards home.
Towards the end of parkrun I needed a quick “admin” stop. I’ll leave the administrative detail there, but the interruption prompted a reflection on some of my earlier attempts to get properly committed to this journey. There were times when I would quite readily have bailed out of a run because I felt ashamed of how I looked or embarrassed by the pace I was covering. Something relatively small could become a reason to stop when I was already uncomfortable about being seen.
That is difficult to admit, but it was real. I could be out doing something positive for myself and still spend a disproportionate amount of time worrying about what somebody else might think of it. Being slower than I wanted to be felt conspicuous. Looking different from the runner I remembered being made it harder to settle into the runner I actually was at that moment.
I remember Mark Lewis talking about similar self-consciousness when reflecting on the beginning of his own journey. The message I took from it was simple: nobody cares. It’s an easy thing to hear once you’ve moved beyond some of those feelings, and a much harder thing to believe while you’re in the middle of them. Today, though, I understood it a little better.
Nobody batted an eyelid at my pace. People were getting on with their own mornings, and I was getting on with mine. I didn’t feel the need to explain that I’d already run to parkrun, that I still had to run home or that the slower pace was deliberate. All of those things were true, but they weren’t qualifications I needed to attach to my participation.
Even if I had only been doing the 5km, that pace would still have been mine to run. I didn’t need the extra distance to justify it.
That feels like a useful change. For a long time, I allowed the possibility of somebody else’s opinion to influence whether I went out, when I went out and how much I enjoyed it once I was there. Today I was wearing bright running clothing, moving at the pace that suited my plan and feeling comfortable enough to carry on. The brief stop remained a brief stop. It didn’t become a reason to abandon the morning.
After parkrun I ran home, with the additional woodland loop bringing the total to 13.5km. Finishing my longest run in eight years was a moment worth taking in, particularly because I came away feeling physically good and encouraged about what might come next. There was satisfaction in having covered the distance and in having allowed myself to cover it without turning every kilometre into a test of speed.
The half marathon in four weeks now feels more tangible. Today doesn’t settle the question on its own; how I recover and how the next few weeks go will matter too. But it has given me something useful to build on. If I recover well, I’d like to extend the longer run again next weekend and continue finding out what is achievable. The aim is to arrive capable of completing the distance, with enough confidence to enjoy the experience.
There is quite a lot wrapped up in that ambition. I’m wearing clothing that previously wouldn’t have fitted, running distances I haven’t covered for years and becoming less preoccupied with how any of it looks from the outside. Those changes are beginning to support one another. Feeling more comfortable makes it easier to get out, and getting out gives me more opportunities to discover what I can do.
If you haven’t come across Harry’s JOG ON or Mark’s videos, I’d encourage you to have a look. They have different styles, but both create well-put-together content that I enjoy and find motivating. Buying the JOG ON top was a small way of supporting something that has contributed positively to my own enthusiasm for running. Wearing it on a morning like this felt rather fitting.
And if you’ve been thinking about starting your own journey, I hope there is some encouragement here. Your outing doesn’t need to resemble mine. It might be a brisk walk, a mixture of walking and running, or a run at whatever pace feels manageable for you. There is no need to wait until you look a particular way or believe you’ll be quick enough to belong.
Borrowing Harry’s words, “go for that run”. Start with something that suits where you are, then give yourself the chance to feel proud afterwards. Today I came home with 13.5km behind me, a little more belief in that half marathon and the satisfaction of having enjoyed a morning that an earlier version of me might have talked himself out of. That is progress I’m very happy to take.
